I thought I was in a relationship. I was not. I was in a prison.
There were no bars on the windows. No locks on the doors. But I could not leave. She controlled everything. My money. My time. My friends. My decisions.
I did not have a word for it back then. Now I do. Coercive control.
She controls your money. You ask for permission to spend anything.
She controls your time. You account for every minute of your day.
She controls who you see. She gets angry when you spend time with friends or family.
She controls where you go. She tracks your location. She demands to know where you are at all times.
She controls what you wear. What you eat. What you do.
She monitors your phone. Your email. Your social media.
She makes you feel like you cannot make decisions on your own.
She isolates you. She cuts you off from anyone who might help you.
This is not a relationship. This is a hostage situation.
Coercive control is about power.
The goal is to strip away your autonomy. The goal is to make you dependent. The goal is to make you believe you cannot survive without her.
It is systematic. It is deliberate. It is abuse.
Do you feel like you are walking on eggshells?
Do you feel like you cannot make decisions on your own?
Do you feel like you are constantly being watched?
Do you feel like you have lost touch with who you used to be?
Do you feel trapped?
If you answered yes to any of these, you are being coercively controlled.
Name it. Coercive control. This is what is happening to you. It is abuse. And it is not your fault.
Document everything. Write down every instance. Every threat. Every manipulation. Every time she isolated you or monitored you. This is evidence. This is your reality.
Reach out. Reconnect with people who care about you. Break the isolation. Call a friend. Join a support group. Talk to a therapist.
Make a safety plan. Coercive control is dangerous. The most dangerous time is when you try to leave. Plan ahead. Know where you can go. Know who you can call.
Get legal help. Coercive control is illegal in many places. Consult a lawyer. Understand your rights.
Coercive control is one of the most common forms of abuse. It is also one of the most overlooked. Men often do not recognize it as abuse. They think it is just how relationships work.
It is not. Coercive control is abuse. And it is a crime in many places.
The Abuse Log is a free, private tool for documenting what is happening. Only you can access it. Not even the website admin can see your entries. It is encrypted and secure.
You can log coercive control incidents as they happen. Date, time, details. What she did. How it made you feel. This is your record of the truth.
The Abuse Tracker shows a calendar view of your entries. Red flags appear on days you logged abuse. It helps you see patterns you might miss when you are in the middle of it.
The Break The Silence tool is a form with questions about what you are going through. Print it. Email it. Use it to start the conversation with someone you trust.
Name it. Say it out loud. "I am being coercively controlled." That is the first step.