Fear
Fear is the awareness of danger. It’s the tightening in your chest when you hear her key in the door. It’s the quiet alarm that tells you you’re not safe
Emotion: Fear
Definition
Fear is the awareness of danger. It's the tightening in your chest when you hear her key in the door. It's the quiet alarm that tells you you're not safe. Fear is one of the most honest emotions you can feel. It's telling you something important. Listen to it.
WHAT FEAR CAN LOOK LIKE
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Walking on eggshells to avoid setting her off
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Feeling your heart race when you hear her voice
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Making decisions based on what she might do
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Staying in situations you know are dangerous
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Feeling trapped and powerless
HOW FEAR WORKS
Fear is survival. Your brain is trying to keep you alive. When there's a real threat, fear kicks in. In an abusive relationship, there is a real threat. Your brain knows it. Your body knows it. And it's trying to protect you.
HOW FEAR MIGHT SHOW UP IN YOU
You might notice yourself scanning her mood before you speak. You might check her location, her texts, or her social media to prepare yourself. You might freeze up or shut down when she's angry.
FEAR DOES NOT MEAN
Feeling afraid doesn't mean you're a coward. It doesn't mean you're weak or pathetic. It means there's something to be afraid of. Your fear is real because the danger is real.
WHAT TO DO ABOUT FEAR
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Check the threat level. Is the fear real or is it from the past? If she's not there, you're safe. If she is there, your fear is valid. Plan accordingly.
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Make a safety plan. Fear decreases when you have a plan. Know who to call. Where to go. What to do.
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Use fear as information. Fear is a signal. It's telling you something. Listen to it. But don't let it paralyze you.
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Act despite the fear. Courage is not the absence of fear. It's acting in the presence of it.
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Get support. Fear wants you alone. Find people who make you feel safe. Talk to them. Let them help.
NO-BULLSHIT HONESTY CHECK
Not everything that scares you is dangerous. Sometimes you're scared of change. Of the unknown. Of being alone. That's normal. But if you're scared of her? If you're scared of her reactions, her anger, her next move? That's different. That's not normal fear. That's survival fear. Don't gaslight yourself into thinking it's just anxiety. It's real. And it's telling you something.