Coercive Control

Coercive control is a pattern of behavior that strips away your autonomy. Your freedom. Your sense of self. It’s the systematic removal of your choices. Your identity. Your will.

Coercive Control

This is the big one. The one that ties all the others together. The one that's only recently been recognized as a crime in many places.

Coercive control is a pattern of behavior that strips away your autonomy. Your freedom. Your sense of self. It's the systematic removal of your choices. Your identity. Your will.

And it's often invisible. Which makes it one of the most dangerous forms of abuse.

What Coercive Control Looks Like

Isolation

Cutting you off from friends and family. Making you dependent on her. Making you believe no one else cares. Moving you away from your support system. Controlling who you see and when.

Monitoring

Tracking your movements. Checking your phone. Reading your messages. Knowing where you are at all times. Demanding to know who you're talking to.

Surveillance

Using cameras, GPS, or other technology to watch you. Recording your conversations. Taking photos or videos without your consent. Using them to control you.

Control of Resources

Controlling your money. Your access to transportation. Your ability to work. Your basic needs. Making you dependent on her for everything.

Threats

Threatening harm to you, your children, your pets, or your reputation. Threatening deportation. Threatening to call the police. Threatening to make false accusations.

Degradation

Humiliating you in public. Putting you down. Making you feel worthless. Destroying your self esteem. Making you believe you're lucky to be with her.

Gaslighting

Making you question your reality. Telling you things didn't happen. Twisting your words. Making you believe you're crazy. Rewriting history.

Intimidation

Using looks, gestures, actions, or objects to scare you. Smashing things. Driving dangerously. Showing off weapons. Making you afraid to speak up.

Why It's So Dangerous

Coercive control is designed to break you. To destroy your will. To make you believe you have no options. To make you dependent on your abuser for everything.

It's invisible. So you might not even recognize it. You might think you're just in a difficult relationship. You might think it's normal. You might think you deserve it.

But coercive control is abuse. And it's a crime in many places.

The Signs You're Being Coercively Controlled

You feel like you're walking on eggshells
You're afraid of her reactions
You've lost touch with your friends and family
You don't recognize yourself anymore
You feel like you can't make decisions on your own
You're constantly apologizing
You feel like nothing you do is ever good enough
You question your own memory
You feel trapped

What You Can Do

Name it. Coercive control. This is what's happening to you. It's abuse. And it's not your fault.

Document everything. Use the Abuse Log. Write down every instance. Every threat. Every manipulation. Every time she isolated you or monitored you. This is evidence. This is your reality.

Reach out. Reconnect with people who care about you. Break the isolation. Call a friend. Join a support group. Talk to a therapist.

Make a safety plan. Coercive control is dangerous. The most dangerous time is when you try to leave. Plan ahead. Know where you can go. Know who you can call.

Get legal help. Coercive control is illegal in many places. Consult a lawyer. Understand your rights. Know what options are available to you.

Coercive control is not just a difficult relationship. It's a crime. And you don't have to stay in it.